matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
