Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
