dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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