don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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