one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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