I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
false alarm. still invincible.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
