I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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