my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
