I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
