so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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