we made out on top of his cat.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
