pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
