Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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