I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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