my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
