If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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