the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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