I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
