You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
