I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
