Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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