I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
