If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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