I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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