Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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