I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
