I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
