i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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