you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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