your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
