Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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