I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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