I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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