can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
