no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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