Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
