Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
