Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
