your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
