Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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