my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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