I'm going to jail i love you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
