He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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