exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
that may or may not have been my penis.
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