You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
