I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
