Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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