New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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