I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
