He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
