Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
