8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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