I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
