Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
