Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
