Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
