i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
