Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize