no, he came in my armpit
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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