I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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