I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
