Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
