I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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