ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
