I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
