He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize