And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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