and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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