Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
