I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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