i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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