were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
