I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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