sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
