I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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