I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize