Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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