even my farts smell like vagina
I am midnight drunk by noon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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