I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
dude. I can hear the air.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
