i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
