Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize