I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
