Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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