If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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