I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
