R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
