Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
