Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
