I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize