I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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