yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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