Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
