Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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