i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
