Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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