just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
