Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize