when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
