Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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