so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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