I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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