I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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