I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found puke in my bra..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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