my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
