My liver just broke up with me...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
