My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
