so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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