Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
