I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
