The best revenge is premature balding
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize