i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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