Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
