dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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