dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
