glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's always time for handjobs
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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