i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
