im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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