No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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