Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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