They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
