so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
