about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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