there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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