We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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